Who says breaking up is going to be easy? Every relationship has its works and quirks. So it’s impossible to say that there’s a prescribed moment you know you have to end your happily-ever-after. Vindictive or not, I’m only after a life of laughter.
My goal is to attain self-love. That is not the narcissistic or fervent display of pictures plastered all over social media, just to validate myself as smug and contented. The self-love I’m talking about is one that comes from within, in the comfort of the people around me. People who really matter and stand by me through thick and thin. People who are worthy of my time and loyalty.
Perhaps I may come across as someone who has jokes to share. When in fact, not a single damn funny bone was tickled. So here’s what I’m about to say: On some days, I feel fine. On some days, I don’t. But that’s okay because “happiness is like keeping fit. Mo Gawat endorses this belief. So here I am writing for you, my friend. You bear witness to my rollercoaster of emotions, random catatonia and sudden outbursts. Because you care, you’re concerned about my sense of worth that was healing from a wounded ego. Maybe this isn’t making sense to you at all, or maybe it does.
You could say I’m being sentimental because I often find myself turning back time in my mind. Or perhaps I was just being an obstinate cow. Penning this entry, my mind was fixated on closing this chapter of agony, misery, pain and hate. With that, I can forgive myself and move on.